Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
