You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
