My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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