6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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