so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
