your parents love me but you hate me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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