ugly people sure do ruin things
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
