Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
