Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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