good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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