Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
