And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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