I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
