Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
