I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
