Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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