If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
