Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
