We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
