he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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