I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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