And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
