i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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