Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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