There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
