Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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