i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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