i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
