Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
