I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
