she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize