her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
