Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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