hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
