Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
