Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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