Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
