I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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