He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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