He had one of those small greek statue penises
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
