i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
