so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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