i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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