He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
