Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize