I'm going to jail i love you
Sponge bath it is.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
