Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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