you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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