ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
