i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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