You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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