Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
