Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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