the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
