Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize