I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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