Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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