Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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