Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So much Jack, so little girl.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
