you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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