This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The uberlube is also flammable
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
