Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Help me help you realize you are a moron
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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