I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
