oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
