Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize