Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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