Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
