I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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