No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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