Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
