It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
