Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Say something about gay babies.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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