I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
