Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
