shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
