I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
