Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
