I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
