i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
