you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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