Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
