Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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