I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize