I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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