Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Girls should come with a carfax report
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
