Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
