He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Every concussion has its silver lining
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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