the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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