2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
