I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
i need some magic done to my vagina
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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