just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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