She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
