I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
