I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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