An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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