I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
