Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
