Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
