You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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