I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize