I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
