if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How does one acquire holy water?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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