My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
