I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
