I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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