The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
