bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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