My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize