I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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