Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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