She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you had me at cake vodka
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
