It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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