Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
