He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh god the rape fog is back!
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
